Turns out nobody reads this anymore. And thats ok, That means I can ramble all I want about stuff and its great because no one will listen to it. Just me. And some guy in Russia probably.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm shy. I wonder if I could be more charismatic, more open. I wonder if I'm afraid to talk to most everyone I know. Which is very true actually.
Then I get thinking about shy people. What if two shy people ran into each other? And they both liked the other shy person. Now, assuming these two people are a girl and a boy, There could definitely be a chance that both of them are afraid to talk to the other. That's kinda depressing if you ask me. They're probably perfect for each other, at least to be friends. But they're both too scared. So when one person expects the other to give them attention, what happens? The other is too scared, and they're probably doing the same thing. Waiting for each other in an endless loop. Never getting to know each other.
I hate losing friends. Losing friendships that I loved so much, you know? Its like, you talked to this person so much, and all the sudden it just feels like they turn their back. Just leave you in the dust wondering if it was your fault. Now if you think I mean this in a loving context your wrong. Because even then I just wanted to be friends. I just wanted to get to know them, not love them forever. But maybe they were cool, you know? Someone you really could have talked to for hours. But it just seemed like they stopped trying. So what are you supposed to do? Keep talking? Run the conversation yourself? Would that even technically work? Probably not. They'd reply feeling bad for you, saying one thing here or there. And it would never be the same.
So you get thinking about it. Thinking about the things you could have changed. Maybe you could have done something different, Said hi one extra time, maybe that would have changed things. And maybe not. Maybe they just decided to leave you. Which I think is a bit harsh. I mean seriously, leave a good bye note or something.
Then there are those times when it feels like they've broke off, but then all the sudden they're back in like nothing happened! I wish people wouldn't be afraid to just talk. I think the world would definitely be a better place if people weren't afraid to just talk to each other. To talk about they're feelings. Maybe its not that they're afraid, maybe its that people don't have enough patience to listen to someone else's problems. We all just care about ourselves.
I wish that was different. I wish everyone would just realize how much alike we all are. We all are afraid. We all feel like sometimes we're alone, we ALL want someone to care about us. No matter who we are, or what our circumstance. And the only reason we all don't go crazy and kill eachother is because there are special people with patience to listen to others, and decide to show others they care. Those are the people that keep this world from becoming a cold heartless place. Because someone didn't just read the text that said, "I'm fine" and move on. Someone said, "No really, tell me whats going on". Someone spoke up, someone broke the social pattern. Someone was brave enough to break the seal. And someone else was brave enough to trust them.
Even sometimes just asking how your day was can let someone know you care. But I'm not talking about just small talking and saying "Oh how was your day, Oh good? Oh thats good." Did you know in Germany when you ask someone how their day was, they tell you their day. Hour by hour, they tell you HOW THEIR DAY WAS. And its not just good. Its not just fine, or spectacular, and definitely not super-spectacular-spellidocious. Its their heartfelt feelings.
But then what if eveyone starts telling their day? They start complaining all the time. Then we turn into complainers. We just complain, and tell how horrible our life is. We get caught up in telling people how bad we feel, now this may not be true, but that is exactly why I'm afraid to tell people my day. I'm afraid I'll look like a complainer. A pessimist. Someone who just hates life.
So then you go around telling people you feel great, happy and super spectaular-spellicocious because if your anything but, someone will think your a pessimist. so then you're stuck, afraid to tell anyone even just the simplest detail of how your day went.
And I hate that.
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